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Shifting back into “Litigation” mindset?
Working in Collaborative Practice involves a very different mindset from that with which many of us approach litigation. Often times something we say or do can be a very good cue for us to ask ourselves…. “how am I thinking? how am I looking at this? am I ‘Collaborating” in this moment?”
We start with several suggestions from friends in Florida and hope that you will add some of your own suggestions in the comments.
I pick up the phone to talk to the “other side” about the current negotiations.
This is a conversation reserved for the collaborative negotiation table. Attorneys do not proffer proposals on behalf of their clients—clients proffer them. There is no legal issue at stake when the parties are brainstorming possibilities in terms of their MSA
I feel like things are heating up between the parties, so I suggest we retreat to our corners and continue with the use of emails between us.
Maybe they do need to take a breath, calm down, then proceed. It costs too much money to keep going with an argument. Take the lead and direct towards consideration on what can make it a win-win.
I tell my client to keep something to herself and not share it because it might influence the “other side” in the negotiations.
This should really wake you up to the need for the paradigm shift!!
Mental Health Professional: I find myself favoring one partner over the other. I like one more and am allowing myself to be critical of the other and feel that the one I like deserves a break!
If no members of your team are calling you on this, they should be (in private). To create this shift from within, perceive that both clients are behaving in ways that display what they know and understand at this time. Perhaps you need to coach them respectfully and away from the negotiations in the skills that are sending you “away.”
Coach yourself in reframing your perception of the co-parent you dislike!
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Thanks for getting us started go to:
Ruth S Angaran, M.Ed., MSW, LCSW
COUNSELING ASSOCIATES, P.A.
Gainesville, FL
www.courtsandcounselors.com
The terms I used here were too general. The Other Side is the position I make the strongest reference to: if we have begun to see things in black/white, good/bad, or my side/your side, this is a critical CLUE that we are in Liitigation, or adversarial mode.
I was attempting, albeit unsuccessfully, to set up what some of our attorneys get into at the end of sessions within clients included. They begin to offer proposals from their office with their client’s presence in the room as they speak FOR the client.
I feel “inside” a hot emotion about the other party who is just not being cooperative, is not listening well, is impacting the process by focusing on a position and a need to convince everyone else about the righteousness of his / her position and it slowly . . . . slowly .. . . . starts to boil. Creativity and compassion start to fly out the window . . . .
“I pick up the phone to talk to the “other side” about the current negotiations. This is a conversation reserved for the collaborative negotiation table. Attorneys do not proffer proposals on behalf of their clients—clients proffer them.”
What about when the attorneys first talk to consider using a coach or financial? What about team conversations to recap and plan strategy? Am I misunderstanding the author’s statement, or does she think attorneys should never talk except in the presence of both clients?