In almost every consultation, the prospective clients have two questions – how long will this take and what will be the cost?  The standard answer is always, “Well it will depend on how many issues we have to resolve and how well you and your spouse are willing to work together.” After the divorce is finalized, I sometimes receive feedback that they didn’t realize it was going to take so long or cost so much. This, of course, is the unpredictable nature of the practice. To address this opportunity for improvement, we have started a 2-day divorce program or The Divorce Weekend that charges a flat fee. The fees are paid before the...

Traditionally, the first part of every year is very busy for divorce filings.  There is no added legal benefit to filing this time of year, though many observers think it is most popular because the Christmas holidays have caused an imminent filing to be pushed off. Of course, 2013 might even tip the scales more than usual because of the uncertain economy.   Because of this and the decline of the real estate market over the years the retirement plan has taken the spot from the family home as the largest single marital asset for division in the event of dissolution of marriage. A basic understanding of some of the rules and requirements...

Recent statistics show that the decision to marry is losing popularity. It has also been statistically demonstrated that one out of two first marriages and three out of four second marriages end in divorce. Generations ago, divorce was perceived with a lot of stigma and while that perspective has somewhat improved, divorce is still frequently regarded as the launch into the fight of one’s life. Maybe this is one reason why people are opting out of marriage altogether. Maybe marriage wouldn’t be losing sociological ground if the divorcing population began to choose a divorce that is moral and honorable in its approach. Every...

The Collaborative Practice Team of Professionals as your “crew” when the sailing gets rough.  ed.  People are becoming increasingly vocal about the fact that lawyers and the legal system are not equipped to properly address the emotional issues involved in family law matters. Judge Michele Lowrance, a domestic relations judge in the Circuit Court of Illinois, wrote in her book titled The Good Karma Divorce (Lowrance, 2010), “The court system was not built to house these emotions, and attorneys are not trained to reduce this kind of suffering.  Divorcing people expect relief far beyond what the legal realm can provide from...

We are very proud to welcome our newest Partner/Sponsor, The Integrative Law Institute – at Commonweal. “The Integrative Law Institute  aims to reclaim law as a healing profession.” The Director, Pauline Tesler, has long been a leading voice in the beginnings and growth of Collaborative Practice. We appreciate her support of our efforts here to continue that growth. We will also be working to supporting the growth of the Integrative Law Institute. You can follow ILI at their blog here  and at facebook here. Check out their first training in January...

by Lee Chabin, Esq.        Here are some additional thoughts from Mr. Chabin on the value of the Collaborative Practice approach to divorce: http://www.nyparenting.com/stories/2013/2/fp_divorcecolumn_2013_02.html              Every divorcing couple has a choice to make:  How will we get divorced?  What process shall we use? The answer can have tremendous repercussions, emotionally as well as financially for your children as well as for yourselves. In this column, I will discuss one process:  Litigation (going to court). Litigation is usually the most expensive, antagonistic and emotionally difficult process for ending a...

Involving our hearts in Collaborative Practice is not just a metaphor.  The organ that pumps our blood, also contributes to our thoughts.    Check out what Stu Webb and Deborah Brakeley had to say about actively involving our actual hearts.  Work that they’ve been sharing for several years at the IACP Forum along with Peggy Thompson and Jennifer Tull, who were not able to join us for this conversation. This heart work makes for interesting companion thoughts as research also tells us more about the brain.  See my interview with Pauline Tesler for those advances. “Our ordinary mind always tries to persuade us that we are...

The Initial Interview.  The professional / client relationship begins there.  And goes smoothly – or haltingly – forward, or possibly downward.  Particularly in Collaborative Practice matters, that first meeting can impact the functioning of the entire Team, including the clients. I sat with Woody Mosten and Susan Gamache, two well known Collaborative professionals who have each begun to offer training for professionals focused on this critical, but often under explored, part of the process.  Here’s the video Read about the trainings they offer here: click on ‘slideshare’ to print your own copy of these. ...

Pauline Tesler, our friend and the Director of the new Integrative Law Institute at Commonweal, talks to us about just what is Integrative Law and how it will be changing how all attorneys see, and do, their work. You can follow ILI at their blog here and at facebook here. Check out their first training in January 2013: Registration is available by clicking here Click ‘slideshare’ above to download or print a copy of this material. Amazon.com Widgets   ************* “Talking with…” is an ongoing set of videotaped discussions between carl Michael rossi and others who train, practice and/or have an...

‘People of faith’ do face divorce.  It can present them with additional challenges in terms of available support and in maintaining their very faith.  It can seem as if they must leave their faith at the door as they enter the divorce process.    Danette Perry, MBA, MSW, LSW, has been actively working within the Collaborative Practice process, along with other local professionals, to integrate clients’ faith and related concerns within the process.  Within the Collaborative Practice approach there is a great opportunity to, as she puts it “…embrace our beliefs and integrate the virtues of our faith…...

Once the clients have used my conflict resolution services “my job as a preventive lawyer is just beginning.”  – Woody Mosten This attitude that our work is not ‘done’ simply because the clients are now divorced, or because the parties have reached an agreement, is a key part of the Paradigm Shift involved in Collaborative Practice.  Having seen this connection in Woody’s chapter for the upcoming ABA book Reinventing the Practice of Law, I thought I would ask him to expand upon it.  Here’s our chat. We’d love to continue this theme with the benefit of your comments! Click here to check out...

Understanding a Child’s Resistance to Visitation   With the increase in claims of parental alienation in custody disputes, family lawyers must understand the fine distinctions between true parental alienation and other forms of visitation refusal. Otherwise, you may claim parental alienation on a case or end up defending against it without fully understanding other options. To avoid barking up the wrong tree, it is imperative to understand the difference between full blown parental alienation, alignment, estrangement, enmeshment, alienating behaviors without resistance and normal developmental visitation refusal. Parental alienation is...

The International Academy of Collaborative Professionals has set a ‘hashtag’ for this year’s Forum in Chicago. It’s #IACP2012Forum Don’t know what that means?  Simply put, you can keep track of all kinds of Social Media that include that reference. Don’t do social media?  You can still follow along by checking out the Board below.  It gathers all those messages that include that ‘hashtag’ so you can read them all below.  Even add your thoughts in the text...

“Divorce is one of the most financially traumatic things you can go through. Money spent on getting mad or getting even is money wasted.” – Richard Wagner          The collaborative process uses a team based approach to help you and your spouse come to a mutually acceptable agreement, stay out of the courtroom, and move forward with your lives.  You may decide, in consultation with your attorneys, to use a financial neutral within the collaborative process to help you reach agreement about the financial issues. Just how can the financial neutral help you?   Financial Mistrust The financial neutral can help address...

Families experience stress and conflict in preparing for and sorting out the transfer of assets when one member passes away.  There are legal influences, financial considerations and emotional elements.  Just as there are in divorce.   Can they benefit from the principles an application of Collaborative Practice? In September, 2012, a group of professionals, sponsored by Collaborative Practice Silicon Valley,  offered a training tailored to using CP in Trusts and Estates matters.  I had a chance to speak with two of the attendees to get their thoughts on this cutting edge expansion of CP.  Their excitement is pretty contagious, check...

There is an expectation to be transparent, honest, and candid during the collaborative process. It is also an opportunity, due to the safe and secure environment that is created,  to ‘drop bombs’ that might not ordinarily be communicated by the clients one-on-one. In this manner, the safety of the team can become a double edged sword as it can lead to sudden disclosures that rattle the structure and foundation of the process and challenge the team. Using real life situations, the Back from the Brink Workshop will explore the form and content of sudden disclosures and the strategies that can be employed by the collaborative...

Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst, PhD, in this interview discusses some of the costs of divorce that are not always considered.   She includes references to how Collaborative Practice can help in reducing those costs, both financial AND secondary.   With thanks to the online radio program: Insurance Matters with Mindy Guisewite by Perfect World Network Radio Listen to internet radio with Perfect World Network Radio on Blog Talk Radio qw Gloria Vanderhorst, Ph.D. is a Licensed Psychologist with over 35 years of experi-ence. She is a trained mediator and Collaborative Divorce professional active in a number of professional...

“You do not perceive something until you have the right metaphor to receive it”                                  – Thomas Kuhn in The Structure of Scientific Revolutions Metaphors are powerful vehicles of communication.  They synthesize amounts of information into a single, unified package.  Perhaps less obvious, they encourage us to SCREEN OUT aspects of a phenomenon that DO NOT FIT with the chosen metaphor.  Such is the case with the metaphor we currently use to describe divorce and remarriage.  The current metaphors prevent us from seeing important aspects of the divorce/remarriage process...